SO after I have met many other parents who are going to lose their own babies so I thought I would post my birth plan on here. I got a lot of my ideas from a String of Pearls, though I changed some things and added some things to our plan. The plan was a great place to start, though some things did change a little, the nurses did whatever we needed to be comfortable. I know our ideas are not a wish for everyone, but maybe they will help someone to think of things they hadn't thought of (like I did while reading others plans).
Birth Plan for Emery, son of
Ashley and Randall
As Emery’s parents, it is our greatest
wish to be able to cherish every moment we have with our baby, in a loving and
caring environment. Emery has been diagnosed with anencephaly and we know what
the diagnoses means but wish to have as much time with our son as
possible. We have compiled this list of
requests and wishes regarding his care in order to make this experience as easy
as possible for all involved. Please do not hesitate to ask us for
clarification if it is needed. Please don’t mind if we change our wishes at any
time, and if they do we wish that the new plan is the one we follow. Our wishes
all revolve around our need to spend as much precious time with Emery as
possible and to prevent her from suffering during that time. Our wishes are as
follows:
We DO NOT wish to have
extraneous staff entering our room without speaking to our nurse first (i.e.
housekeeping, dietary).
We DO NOT wish to have continuous fetal monitoring during labor and delivery. Periodic monitoring of heart tones is preferred. We DO NOT wish to have an emergency cesarean section in the event that Emery’s heart tones are undetectable or decreased. However, we do realize that if one is necessary to protect Ashley, we will take the advisement of our doctor. Also if an emergency cesarean is required for mothers’ health we wish to have Emery go with his father, Randall immediately.
We DO NOT wish to have Ashley’s water broken.
We DO NOT want any pushing or pulling to help labor along unless medically necessary for the mother.
We DO NOT wish to have any life-saving intervention on Emery’s behalf. The focus should be on care and comfort.
We DO wish to have routine care for any newborn such as having his mouth and nose suctioned with a bulb at the perineum and drying him quickly. And we wish for it to be done in the mothers or fathers arms.
In the event that Emery is born and is struggling to breathe, but otherwise is doing ok, that he may have some oxygen, not to try to save his life but to keep him comfortable.
As long as it is safe for Ashley, we want her to be able to hold Emery immediately following delivery. If Ashley is unable to hold Emery, we would like him to be handed to his father, Randall. We wish to cherish all the time we have with him. Every second counts.
We DO ask that you give us privacy, without abandoning us. Encourage us to do whatever feels right.
We DO NOT want Emery to be taken from the delivery room at any time, by any person, for any reason.
There is no reason he needs to be hungry. Ashley will try to nurse Emery after he is born if he is alive and able. We DO wish to have a nasogastric tube inserted in order to feed Emery if he is unable to eat on his own.
We DO wish to have Vaseline gauze if his is born alive with no skin on his head, to help keep his head more comfortable and then a hat on top.
We DO wish to keep Emery warm with the use of kangaroo skin-to-skin care, warm blankets, hats, or the radiant warmer.
We DO wish to have Emery baptized or dedicated at our request. Our pastor will come to the hospital for him.
We DO want the nursing staff to weigh and measure Emery when we request it. Should we forget to request it, please do it prior to him leaving the hospital.
We DO request that Dad be allowed to give Emery his first bath.
We DO request that Mom or dad be allowed to dress Emery in his own clothes. We DO NOT want these clothes to be removed at any point or by any other person than his parents. Emery is to be wearing these clothes when he goes to the mortuary.
We realize that Emery will look differently physical. We hope that everyone can see him for what he is, our beautiful little baby. He will be greatly missed and never forgotten.
Any keepsakes that mom or dad leave with Emery, are to remain with him at all times, even when he is taken by the mortuary personnel.
We DO NOT want Emery to go to the morgue at any time. We DO request that the hospital contact the funeral Home directly when we are ready to say goodbye to Emery.
We have contacted Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, a bereavement organization, and arranged for a photographer to come to the hospital and take professional pictures of us and our baby. We ask that you accommodate them in any way that is helpful. Their number is.......
We DO wish to allow our family members to visit as we deem appropriate. Please DO NOT allow anyone in our room without talking to us first. We DO wish to have our daughter be the first visitor allowed in the room accompanied by adults. We ask your assistance in keeping them updated as we request it.
We DO wish to be with Emery and holding him at the time of his death.
If any caregiver has a suggestion or an idea that you think may be helpful, please share it with us, as there are many things we haven’t thought of.
If any nurse, doctor, or other caregiver on our team is uncomfortable with any of this, please excuse yourself from our care if possible.
We are participating in a study about anencephaly babies through Duke University. We have kits needed for blood samples from mom and dad and a DNA sample of Emery’s to be taken from his umbilical cord.
Also for the study we wish to take a few pictures of Emery before his hat is put on and before visitors are allowed in the room.
We DO NOT wish for a time limit to be put on our time with our son. We will tell you when we want the funeral home called.
We would like for our labor/post-partum rooms to be as far away from others as possible.
We DO wish to be released from the hospital if medically possible after we give up our son to the care of the funeral home.
We DO NOT wish to have continuous fetal monitoring during labor and delivery. Periodic monitoring of heart tones is preferred. We DO NOT wish to have an emergency cesarean section in the event that Emery’s heart tones are undetectable or decreased. However, we do realize that if one is necessary to protect Ashley, we will take the advisement of our doctor. Also if an emergency cesarean is required for mothers’ health we wish to have Emery go with his father, Randall immediately.
We DO NOT wish to have Ashley’s water broken.
We DO NOT want any pushing or pulling to help labor along unless medically necessary for the mother.
We DO NOT wish to have any life-saving intervention on Emery’s behalf. The focus should be on care and comfort.
We DO wish to have routine care for any newborn such as having his mouth and nose suctioned with a bulb at the perineum and drying him quickly. And we wish for it to be done in the mothers or fathers arms.
In the event that Emery is born and is struggling to breathe, but otherwise is doing ok, that he may have some oxygen, not to try to save his life but to keep him comfortable.
As long as it is safe for Ashley, we want her to be able to hold Emery immediately following delivery. If Ashley is unable to hold Emery, we would like him to be handed to his father, Randall. We wish to cherish all the time we have with him. Every second counts.
We DO ask that you give us privacy, without abandoning us. Encourage us to do whatever feels right.
We DO NOT want Emery to be taken from the delivery room at any time, by any person, for any reason.
There is no reason he needs to be hungry. Ashley will try to nurse Emery after he is born if he is alive and able. We DO wish to have a nasogastric tube inserted in order to feed Emery if he is unable to eat on his own.
We DO wish to have Vaseline gauze if his is born alive with no skin on his head, to help keep his head more comfortable and then a hat on top.
We DO wish to keep Emery warm with the use of kangaroo skin-to-skin care, warm blankets, hats, or the radiant warmer.
We DO wish to have Emery baptized or dedicated at our request. Our pastor will come to the hospital for him.
We DO want the nursing staff to weigh and measure Emery when we request it. Should we forget to request it, please do it prior to him leaving the hospital.
We DO request that Dad be allowed to give Emery his first bath.
We DO request that Mom or dad be allowed to dress Emery in his own clothes. We DO NOT want these clothes to be removed at any point or by any other person than his parents. Emery is to be wearing these clothes when he goes to the mortuary.
We realize that Emery will look differently physical. We hope that everyone can see him for what he is, our beautiful little baby. He will be greatly missed and never forgotten.
Any keepsakes that mom or dad leave with Emery, are to remain with him at all times, even when he is taken by the mortuary personnel.
We DO NOT want Emery to go to the morgue at any time. We DO request that the hospital contact the funeral Home directly when we are ready to say goodbye to Emery.
We have contacted Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, a bereavement organization, and arranged for a photographer to come to the hospital and take professional pictures of us and our baby. We ask that you accommodate them in any way that is helpful. Their number is.......
We DO wish to allow our family members to visit as we deem appropriate. Please DO NOT allow anyone in our room without talking to us first. We DO wish to have our daughter be the first visitor allowed in the room accompanied by adults. We ask your assistance in keeping them updated as we request it.
We DO wish to be with Emery and holding him at the time of his death.
If any caregiver has a suggestion or an idea that you think may be helpful, please share it with us, as there are many things we haven’t thought of.
If any nurse, doctor, or other caregiver on our team is uncomfortable with any of this, please excuse yourself from our care if possible.
We are participating in a study about anencephaly babies through Duke University. We have kits needed for blood samples from mom and dad and a DNA sample of Emery’s to be taken from his umbilical cord.
Also for the study we wish to take a few pictures of Emery before his hat is put on and before visitors are allowed in the room.
We DO NOT wish for a time limit to be put on our time with our son. We will tell you when we want the funeral home called.
We would like for our labor/post-partum rooms to be as far away from others as possible.
We DO wish to be released from the hospital if medically possible after we give up our son to the care of the funeral home.
We DO wish to have as
many keepsakes and memento’s as possible. Please save the following items for
us to take home:
the bassinet card
hats
baby blanket
any photographs taken by the hospital
hospital ID bracelet
hand and footprints (we also wish to have footprints put in books we have brought with us)
mold of hands and feet (we have kits with us)
lock of hair if possible
clothing Emery may have worn
and any other things you think we may wish to have
Thank you for being a partner in our baby’s birth. Please be patient with us. We don’t know how to do this sad thing and are learning as we go.
the bassinet card
hats
baby blanket
any photographs taken by the hospital
hospital ID bracelet
hand and footprints (we also wish to have footprints put in books we have brought with us)
mold of hands and feet (we have kits with us)
lock of hair if possible
clothing Emery may have worn
and any other things you think we may wish to have
Thank you for being a partner in our baby’s birth. Please be patient with us. We don’t know how to do this sad thing and are learning as we go.
Signed,
Ashley and Randall
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